Why Does It Bother You when Other People Badmouth Your Ex?

You find that you want to defend him

Why should you care?
Whether you split up a week, a month or even a year ago, when someone badmouths your ex you find that you want to defend him. This seems to be counterintuitive. After all, you’re no longer a couple. Why should you care what someone else’s opinion of him is?

But you do and this is why.

1. You Can Turn off Your Attitude but Not Your Emotions

This is just a fact. You may hate his guts, but somewhere deep inside you still have feelings for him, which is why it can be hard to hear other people badmouth him. There are also men that badmouth your exes in order to get into your panties, and that is always annoying. In addition, if other women badmouth your man, it speaks to your taste in men and your choice of partners. By badmouthing your exes, you feel like they are badmouthing your decisions, and that is bothersome sometimes.

2. The Fact is That He Has a Place in Your Heart

Love is a weird thing. It is like damage to a car. Sometimes it is a little dent that you can polish out, and sometimes it is a broken axel that stops you in your tracks. You may like or dislike him at this moment, but a small part of you is going to love him forever, and it may make it more difficult for you to hear other people badmouth him.

3. You Have Not Adjusted to the Loss Yet

All loss, be it big or small, takes time to heal. You need time to adjust, and even though hating him may make it easier to get over him, it will not heal your wound. Having your friends talk down about him may make you feel better temporarily, but your instinct is to jump to his defense. In your mind, you start defending him, and suddenly you discover you feel worse.

4. You Thought He Was Great, and Maybe He Still is

This applies to women that pick great guys. The world is full of daytime TV shows about picking the wrong guy and how horrible men are, but some women are very selective and only pick great men. As a consequence, they often feel a lot of affection for their exs. They know they were not right for them, but still feel that they are great guys and are partly sad that they no longer have them in their lives. If a woman feels like this, then it is no surprise that she feels sad or bothered when her friends badmouth him.

5. You Feel like You Messed It up and That He Shouldn’t Get the Blame

It is hard to hear other people talk down about your ex if you are the one that messed it up. Technically, in your mind, he is the victim. It feels wrong and almost immoral to badmouth him when he didn’t do that much wrong. Maybe he wasn’t blameless, but you feel he doesn’t deserve the verbal onslaught that other people are giving him.

6. It Makes You Uncomfortable That They Think Things like That

What if they thought those things before you two broke up? How long have they been saying this stuff? Are they saying it because they think it will make you feel better, or have they been saying it all along?

7. What if You Get Back with Him?

You do not want your friends and family to hate him too much because in the back of your mind you think you may get back with him. Maybe things were rocky and one of you baled out too soon, or maybe you miss him more than you thought and are hoping you can both work it out. Hearing other people talk down about him may make it harder for you to get back with him in the long run. The human mind is difficult to fathom when it comes to love.

Your head doesn’t always agree with your heart.


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