While I really wish I didn't care how many calories were in what I eat, I secretly do.
Today alone I've already had more carbs than anyone needs to have eaten in one day, and I've also demolished a bag of gummy worms. This is why I don't try to diet: I always fail.
But clearly I'm not the only one who struggles with their diet. I guess we're all in this together.
1. I'm pretty sure this happens to me on a weekly basis.
I look at myself in the mirror, declare I'm making a change, and then immediately proceed to eat an entire bag of chips for dinner, followed by a tub of ice cream for dessert.
Honestly, there's no winning.
2. When it comes to social events with a table full of food, you bet I'm gonna grab a second plate.
Guys, don't you know that free food doesn't have any calories?
Wait, that's not true? Oh well, I'm still having a second plate anyway.
3. It has no calories if it's in a Vitamin Water bottle, right?!
Wine is made out of fruit, so I'm pretty sure that a whole bottle equals my full serving of fruit for the day.
The Vitamin Water bottle is just so I can drink wine at the gym, okay?
4. There's nothing I love more than a bundle of tasty asparagus.
Except when you cut into that bundle and out comes the truth.
Okay, I lied. I love chocolate cake way more than I love asparagus. If you don't agree, you're the liar.
5. The person with this sticker is the real MVP.
Because if the label says they're carrots, I'm going to believe them.
And look, there's a whole box of "carrots" right there to enjoy, too.
6. This poor pup was put on a diet, and this is how he greets everyone who comes into the house.
Honestly, if I were on a diet, this would probably be how I'd greet you, too.
7. I betcha can't eat just one.
Next time you're just going to eat "one" chip, keep your eyes open for one of these guys. And don't forget a big scoop of chip dip, too.
If someone were to put a salad like this in front of me, I would literally have no idea what to do with it.
Actually, I'd probably do what this guy is doing with it.
8. If I were going to try and diet, this is what I'd eat the night before.
I love chips and all the carbs, but I have a sweet tooth at heart.
Give me a cookie, brownie, pie, cake-thing with ice cream on top and now we're talking.
9. This is basically every day at our office.
There's always someone tempting you to break your diet with cookies, donuts, and more.
And tbh, I'm not really complaining. Like I said, free food doesn't have calories.
10. I like how this person thinks. Carrot cake is a vegetable, right?
This is the type of person I need in my life when I'm on a diet.
Enablers, where you at?!
11. And if you're on a diet, I'll help you out!
I'll eat all the good stuff and leave the stuff you can eat behind. Like one piece of leftover broccoli from what looks like a mighty tasty broccoli salad.
12. This is the Oreo cookie of champions.
All you need is one very large glass of milk and the perfect Oreo eating strategy.
And Oreos are vegan, so that means they're healthy...I think.
13. And at the end of the day, if a diet isn't for you, that's okay.
I have mad respect for anyone who believes what's inside is more important than the number on the scale.
Even if what's on the inside is a bunch of chocolate fudge brownies.
14. And if worse comes to worst and you just can't make dieting work, give this a try.
It doesn't look very comfortable, but you'll be looking hella fine in your Instagram selfies. #GymBod