1. Hail to the Chief
It only takes about five minutes before a bunch of flying sharks are like "LOL, hi!" and start dropping from the White House ceiling while Shepard is visiting D.C. Fortunately, he and the President (played by none other than Mark Cuban) manage to fend them off using grenades, guns, and –– you guessed it –– a giant bust of George Washington. He'd be so proud.
2. God Bless the USA
In a moment that was even more important than man's first steps on the moon, Shepard dramatically raised the American flag outside the White House and used it to impale a shark. More like star mangled banner, right? (Sorry.)
3. Bye Forever, Frankie Muniz's Limbs
It was not a great day for Frankie Muniz. His enthusiastic nerd character was caught in a sharknado while visiting a military base, promptly had both his legs and arms eaten off, and then blew himself up to save his friends. Dude's got guts -- in the most literal way possible.
4. RIP, Kim Richards
Real Housewives of Beverley Hills star Kim Richards made an extended cameo in Sharknado 3, but tragically she died via shark attack while screaming hysterically. True American heroism at its finest.
5. Pouring One Out for Matt Lauer
It's been real, Matt Lauer. The Today Show host (who played himself) was eaten at the end of Sharknado 3, and it's safe to say that fictional morning television just won't be the same.
6. Sharks In Space!
Just when you thought Fin Shepard couldn't get more awesome, he morphed into a NASA astronaut and killed sharks from space. Unfortunately, Pregnant April hopped on her husband's rocket and killed his buzz when she was eaten by a floating great white. But fear not, Shepard dove into its stomach and wandered around its internal organs in an attempt to save her. There goes dinner.
7. April Gives Birth...Inside a Shark
Don't worry, everyone: after getting eating by a Space Shark, April gave birth inside its stomach. It was basically a religious experience.