More Men Should Know These Things about Sex with a Woman

How to arouse her, how to please her, and how to get her off

How to please a woman
Yeah, that title is a misnomer kind of, so let's correct that right now: there are things more people should know about how to please a woman. My friend Steve asked me about this question, “on behalf of gay men,” at which point his husband Gary gave him the best look I have ever seen anyone give anybody else, and thus this post was born. I'll grant you, as a woman married to a woman, that women frequently know how to please other women quite naturally, but that isn't always the case. So, this is for all the women, men, and everyone in between who wishes to know about sex with a woman – how to arouse her, how to please her, and how to get her off.

1. Respect Her

There's nothing more arousing than respect. There's nothing sexier than respect. I can't speak for all women, nor would I try, but I believe that many of us have a difficult time getting aroused by anyone who blatantly disrespects women. Am I right?

2. Make Sure You Have Her Consent

I just feel like this needs to be said. I think it needs to be repeated in any discussion about sex. Male or female, always make sure you have your partner's full consent. Don't proceed without it. If your partner isn't a position to consent, then always assume that she doesn't want to have sex with you.

3. Listen to Her

Talk to her about what she likes, especially if you aren't sure. Sex isn't a guessing game. You shouldn't keep trying new techniques until you hit Orgasm Bingo. In fact...

4. Ask Her What She Likes

Novel idea, right? Not every woman is comfortable answering this question right away, but it never hurts to ask. Wouldn't it be awful to dive right in and start playing with a woman's nipples, only to find out that they're really sensitive and it hurts her?

5. Ignore the Porn Temptation

No, I'm not saying don't watch porn or don't ask her to watch it with you, I mean ignore the temptation to treat your real life sex like it's a porno. Most women don't react like that for real, and no, sorry, all the jackhammering in the world isn't going to get most of us off.

6. Don't Neg Her to Get Her into Bed

The idea of negging – putting down a woman in some way so that she seeks your approval – is baffling. I know some of you out there will insist that it works, and that's cool, I guess, but it doesn't make you look like a cool guy and few women get turned on by being put down, you know?

7. Become BFFs with Foreplay

Cannot stress this enough. Foreplay takes all forms, but it's so important. You have to prime the pump before you get any water. Find out what type of foreplay your lover enjoys and make the most of it. Some women love making out, others go wild when you nibble their ears, the sides of their neck, or their inner elbows. For some women, stimulating conversation counts as foreplay. Every woman is different but however she likes it, the payoff is huge.

8. Make the Acquaintance of the Clitoris

Let's talk about the clitoris a little. In fact, let's talk about the clitoris a lot. Sometimes she's shy, sometimes she's very outgoing, but she always loves attention. The clitoris is a key ingredient in the female orgasm. Some women can climax without clitoral stimulation, but most of us need our clits touched if we want to cum.

9. Now, Learn How to Treat Her Right

Every clitoris is different. Some of them love a firm, almost rough touch. Others prefer gentle, feathery stroking. Still others need something in between. Get in touch with your girl's clitoris – for real. Find out what she likes. Talk to her about her hopes and dreams.

10. Keep Your Focus There

Nope, we're not done talking Ms. Clit yet. That's where you need to focus your attention, whether you're giving your lover a little oral pleasure or some digital action. Circle it, stroke it, lick it, suckle it, but make sure you pay proper attention.

11. Be Gentle, Though

I know, I know, we already covered how some women may like it hard while others prefer it soft. This point still bears repeating because the clit gets very sensitive, just like the penis – especially just after an orgasm. Start slowly to see what she likes. Don't go straight for the head of the clitoris right away. Ease your way into it instead.

12. Take Her to Infinity

So, there's this technique. Some people call it the Figure-8, some people call it the Infinity – whatever works for you. The technique itself is the same by any name: when you're going down on a woman, work your tongue around the clit and the area around it using a figure-8 pattern. As the clit swells with arousal, play with it, suck it, expose it, flick it with your tongue, and then go back to a firm, pressing figure-8 pattern. You're welcome.

13. But Don't Forget the Fingers

Finger play is still welcome, it simply won't make most women climax on its own. A well-placed, well-timed finger or two, however, can take things from awesome to OH MY GOD quite quickly indeed.

14. Familiarize Yourself with Her Erogenous Zones

These are the hottest hot spots on the body and paying them homage takes things to the next level. Some of them are universal, but you have to remember that they're not relegated to just breasts and genitals. The woman you're with might go nuts if you lick the back of her neck, nibble her earlobe, or suck her toes. That's why it pays to know.

15. Don't Neglect the Labia

The vaginal lips hardly ever get attention, which is a real shame. They're full of sizzling little nerve endings and it's easy to take advantage of that. A little rubbing, massaging, kneading, kissing, nibbling, and licking … well, find out for yourself just how well all that goes over.

16. Go on a Search for the G-spot

This is so important. So, so, so important. Stimulating the G-spot is another way to ensure an orgasm, as long as you're willing to seek it out. It's easier to find it using your fingers – insert one or two fingers into the vagina, with your palm and your fingertips pointing upward. You're feeling for ridges along the top of the vagina, where some exploratory rubbing promises to serve you well and to please her immensely.

17. Or Stimulate It during Sex

Stimulating the G-spot during penetrative sex is a little harder but definitely not impossible. Doing it doggy-style is a surefire way to hit a woman's G-spot. Mind, this works with a penis, a vibrator, a dildo, a strap-on, anything. The key is to pull her back toward you every time you thrust into her. Hold her by the hips for better leverage and try angling your hips upward a bit every time you enter her.

18. Don't Fear the Toys

Why not get creative and adventurous? Don't be threatened by the inclusion of toys. Experimenting with a vibrator, beads, or even some fun lube can make all the difference, and she might need a little something extra to really let go.

19. Keep Kissing

Kissing through sex isn't always possible, but when it is, go for it. There's something intimate about kissing during sex, which adds to the pleasure of it on an emotional level.

20. Look at Her

Look at her. I mean really look at her. Look into her eyes, watch her face, hold her gaze. The intensity this creates will affect you just as much as it affects her.

21. Don't Be Afraid to Laugh

Laughing when something is funny is natural, right? Be able to laugh with your partner during sex is freeing and really kind of wonderful. It relaxes you so much that pleasure is never far behind.


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